Secret Knowledge of Grown-Ups

At the beginning of the school year, students read the book, Secret Knowledge of Grown-Ups, by David Wisniewski.

"Parents are always spouting these rules. Do they really care about nutrients and mattresses, or are they hiding something? Luckily, one fearless grown-up will risk his neck and his dignity to find out. Disguised as everything from a chocolate milk scuba diver to a giant nose, this counterspy uncovers the disturbing truth. And what he learns will shock you like nothing before. Startling suckface emergencies! Dangerous digit gangs! Powerful sumo cells! Those are just some of the secrets revealed in this book by Caldecott medalist David Wisniewski. But don′t let anyone catch you reading it-especially grown-ups. Who knows what could happen if they knew that you knew?"

The 7th graders in the Medical Partnership program were asked to recreate their own version of this story and to create a colorful illustration to go with it. This is what they came up with. (All stories and illustration used with permission of the authors).

Scroll down to read a few of our featured stories by Marques, Anna, Olivia, Isaac, Brooke, and Sophie!

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Grown-Up Rule #42

By: Marqes

Location: Homework Museum, Penn, Minnesota

Date & Time: October 23, 1998, 3:43am

Log: Disguised as a large pencil. When museum closes locate Grown-up Rule #42. Remove disguise. Exit from roof door.

Grown-Up Rule #42: Do your homework.

Official Reason: Gets you good grades.

The Truth:

Yes, doing your homework does help your grades, but that's not the reason why parents want you to do your homework. Have you ever had homework and don’t do it because its not due for a couple of more days or just didn't feel like doing it? Have you papers went missing or have been ripped up the day you go to do them? Well, don't blame anyone, anyone except the “Homework Elves.” The “Homework Elves” are tiny, about 3 inches tall to be exact. There are also 3 types of elves you should know about. The first one is called “The Shredding Elf” goes through your backpack when you fall asleep, finds your homework that either hasn't been finished or hasn't been started, rips or shreds them into small pieces. The next type of “Homework Elf” is called the “Lost and Never Found Elf.” This elf finds homework papers and keeps them for himself, never returning them, making you think you lost your papers. This last “Homework Elf” takes your homework and hides it somewhere you would never look if you lose your homework. Well, now you know here or how your homework went if they went missing. So for the best, always do you homework!

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Grown-Up Rule #37

By: Anna

Location: Billy Lane's House

Date and Time: August 3, 2009, 2:56pm

Log: When Billy was at soccer practice, the Super Duper Secret Service decided to test his house for explosives. When they checked Billy's extremely messy room, they found a box hidden in a box that was hidden in a box. Inside the last box, they found a very old story entitled, “Rule 37.”

Grown-Up Rule #37: Always keep your room clean.

Official Reason: It is a good habit and it makes your room look nice.

The Truth:

A very long time ago, there were four kingdoms. Each kingdom had to do with something you would find in a messy room. There was a kingdom of dirty clothes, disgusting bugs, old food, and messy toys.

All of the humans were forced to live in the middle of the four kingdoms inside a dark forest. There was barely any food and almost no water. The humans have been living in the forest for over 27 years. One day, the leader of the humans made a preposition. “Our resources are running low and we have lost too many lives due to starvation and dehydration. One of our people disguised themselves as one of those ferocious beast who trapped us here. That person found out that the kingdom of messy toys has a secret vault underground with tolls that we can use to defeat these vile creatures. Tonight, we are going to take back the kingdom that was once ours”

The rest of the humans agreed and decided to leave at midnight. They crept out of the woods and got close to the castle doors. “Here, put these on.” said the leader. They were disguises that would help them get into the castle. The humans went into the castle and down to a secret basement with mechanisms of all sorts lined up on the walls. There was one giant button labeled, “World Wide TNT Eruption.” The leader pressed the button and all of the humans were instantly knocked out.

Five years later, the humans woke up and found that the world had turned into a beautiful landscape with blossoming flowers. Since then, children around the globe have kept their rooms very clean. If someone's room is too messy, the monsters rise again. Always make sure that your room is clean.

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Grown-Up Rule #14

By: Olivia

Location: Top Secret FBI Headquarters

Date & Time: December 24, 11:11pm

Log: It was Christmas Eve and I was peering in the window of the Top Secret FBI Headquarters. Inside I saw a man dressed in black open a file named, Grown-Up Rule #14. He secretly slipped a small piece of paper into his large leather briefcase and headed to the door. As he walking out of the large building, I slipped my hand into his briefcase and quickly pulled out the piece of paper and ran all the way home.

Grown-Up Rule #14: Eat all of the food on your plate.

Official Reason: It's bad to waste food.

The Truth:

Many years ago in a small village named Bridgeton, there was a young boy named Justin. His mom had a rule that he could never leave the table until he finished all the food on his plate. He didn't like the food his parents gave him so he always ended up staying at the table until breakfast. Eventually he got tired of sitting at the table every night. He missed his bed so he decided to take action.

It was a dark and rainy night in the middle of the summer when Justin decided to leave the table and go sleep in his big, comfortable bed. He had just laid down in bed when suddenly he heard a loud crash from the kitchen. He slowly crept out of his bedroom and tip-toed down the stairs. He walked down the long dark hallway and peered into the kitchen.

What he saw astonished him! He absolutely couldn't believe his eyes. All of his leftover food from dinner had come to life and were destroying his house. He quickly sprinted up the stairs to go get his parents. His mom and dad tried everything to stop the destructive food but nothing worked. 

Eventually, they decided that they couldn't do anything so they all sat at the table. As Justin sat in front of his now empty plate something amazing happened. All of the food stopped what they were doing and reappeared on Justin's plate. They were no longer alive. Justin quickly devoured all the dangerous food. After he ate everything on his plate he left the table, nothing happened this time. After that day, Justin always ate all his food.

Parents around the world quickly found out about what happened. When they found out they always made their children eat all the food on their plate. I suggest if you don't want to get attacked by food then you should eat all of your food.

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Grown-Up Rule #123

By: Isaac

Location: Chicago, IL

Date and Time: October 7, 1961, 3:30pm

Log: Young detective posing as teen discovers why books should be read as opposed to watching television all day.

Grown-Up Rule #123: The Power of Books

Official Reason: TV is bad for you and your brain.

The Truth: 

More than fifty years ago, a mad scientist was working in his hidden lab. He was attempting to create a way to force people to give him lots of money. Finally, he had come up with an extremely effective idea; commercials. These weren't just ordinary commercials, though. They were INFOMERCIALS!

Withing a few weeks, the scientist had sold several thousands of dollars worth of cheap products. He replaced popular shows with infomercials and many people were trapped by their power.

Eventually, someone discovered a way to combat the powers of infomercials - books. Books had been around for more than 100 years but had almost gone obsolete with the invention of television. It took many tests but the power of books has been proven.

Now, the power of books could be harnessed to combat the influence of infomercials. So, if you find that your favorite show has been replaced by an infomercial channel, do yourself a favor; pick up a book and start reading.

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 Grown-Up Rule #72

By: Brooke

Location: Lincoln Middle School

Date and Time: September 6, 2016, 2:46pm

Log: Dressed as a monkey, swinging from vine to vine, howling and peeling bananas with my feet. Finally, I had found what I was looking for, a creature with the longest nails I had ever seen.

Grown-Up Rule #72: Always cut your nails.

Official Reason: It's for hygienic reasons.

The Truth:

Actually cutting your nails is good to do, but we don't cut our nails just so we don't scratch people and all that, no we cut them so they..............................

DON'T ATTACK EVERYTHING!

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, nobody clipped their nails, EVER. Especially these creepy creatures. They would never clip their nails so they grew to a very long size. If you want to be more specific, about 5 feet. Now these creatures thought there was no reason to cut their nails, they thought it wasn't a big deal. They were so very wrong. Every time they had gone to bed, they never knew what was happening to their nails. Their nails would grow and grow and grow until they were 7 feet long. In the morning the creatures were amazed at how long their nails had grown. One day, when the creatures were minding their own business, the nails struck.

BOOM. All the creatures nails started to go ballistic and started scratching everything. Pretty soon the creatures were as red as baboon butts. They had to think of a plan, a plan to stop these nails before they started to engulf the creatures, but what would they do? They had to think and they had to think, then they thought of something, something smart, they had to cut the nails. But what would they use? Then they thought of something.. a Venus Fly Trap! That should do it! They looked and looked until they found one. They eased in closer to the fly trap and swung their hands in toward the fly trap. It chomped at the nails one by one, chomped and chomped away at the nails until there was not a nail in sight. The creatures stared at their nails in awe.  They never knew how nice their nails looked when they were short. So they kept them that way, for a good reason.

So that is why we clip our nails when they get too long, so they don't attack anything. If you don't follow this you would probably fall into this problem. So I suggest that you follow this simple rule. Please, I really don't want to deal with that, do you?

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Grown-Up Rule #53

By: Sophie

Location: Lincoln Middle School, Principal's Office

Date and Time: September 20, 2007, 1:09pm

Log: Snuck into principal's office, pick locked the secret rules safe and stole the file replacing it with an exact replica.

Grown-Up Rule #53: No running in the hall!

Official Reason: It's dangerous!

The Truth:  You run, you won't be able to run or even walk ever again and that is all I have to say!

It all started a long, long time ago when an invasion of weird, tiny, square shaped little aliens came. But the people had no idea of their terror, so they were hypnotized by their cuddly, cuteness, and the aliens when in for a big cute, cuddly hug, when all of a sudden..... MUNCH! The little aliens had bit the humans' feet! Some aliens just released poisoned venom, while others bit the legs right off, those who were poisoned, were turned into slaves! On the other hand, people without legs were left in a pile!

A few days later 2 scientists that did not get hypnotized or bitten who have been studying the creatures for a few days came to the rescue! Later that day the scientists went to work on their duty to find and capture the creatures! A few days passed and finally the creatures were found! Their search was over! The monsters were found in Cedar Falls, Iowa. The creatures were snacking on their mid-day snack of legs and feet. But luckily the scientists have studied long enough to come up with a fantastic solution their super, special, super, secret Cement Glue!

The scientists put on their goggles so they wouldn't get hypnotized and knocked the monsters out with a special sleeping gas. Once all the monsters were knocked out they took their Cement Glue and glued the monsters, face down in the buildings everywhere, they called them tiles or tile floors. Then their job was done and the world was saved (for now).

So next time you run on tile, watch your feet! Or just don't run and you won't shake the glue apart with your stomping around or the whole world could end! Bu always remember parents or adults don't scare the kids, but do whatever you can to stop the running!!!

Awesome job 7th graders! These are awesome!